Sunday, September 18, 2011

10 Things That Are Running Through My Mind At This Very Moment.

Even though I numbered them, that doesn't signify anything other than a tool which to list them more easily.
1) I have a tendency to drive to a 7-11 that's further away instead of going to the one that's practically walking distance to my place because at the farther location there's a guy who works there that I think is cute and he's always friendly and asks me how i'm doing. But i've been good and responded with "i'm fine, and you?" instead of "i'd be doing better if I could bring you back to my place so I could explore every inch of your naked body with my mouth and tongue and then force you to do dirty, filthy, forbidden things to me!"
2) I'd like to decapitate the assholes who were behind the closure of the Taco Bravo that was up the street from my place. Goddamned those $1.50 bean burritos and super nachos were killing my arteries slowly but surely, but fuck it, i'm going to die anyway, can't I have a little fun while I sink into the abyss of high blood pressure darkness??????
3) The more I think about it the more i'm not sure I want to get my nipples pierced because the first guy who yanks on them will find himself with an axe in his face and i'll find myself trying to shake a murder rap. I'll end up in prison, where i'll get all the free sex I want, but I think I prefer to control when, where and by whom I get raped.
4) I love it when God send a clear, direct message to my hint-challenged head. Earlier I asked him to keep me from checking my e-mail for a certain e-mail from a certain somebody. If there were an e-mail from this certain somebody it's one that I really need to ignore anyway, so low and behold, when I clicked on the e-mail link to check it my computer mysteriously shut off instead. That's the kind of message I need God. Either that or a hard slap across the face will do.
5) I need to accept that fact that some people are just abominably stupid and instead of complaining about or trying to fix them I need to be thankful that i'm not them.
6) The song "Hysteria" by Def Leppard is a really good song! Fuck you 80's hair band haters!
7) I need to stop thinking about that cute latino that seemed to be cruising me at the laundromat a few weeks ago and just accept that my chance to get him back to my apartment to give him the best blowjob of his life has passed.
8) I really need to stop drinking with a certain somebody. Let's just say that some people make complete asses of themselves when they're drunk and while it can be amusing, it's also annoying and embarrassing.
9) I need to lose about 5 pounds so that ninja costume I bought won't fit me so tight. Yeah, I plan on ripping it up anyway to go along with the idea of being a zombified ninja for Halloween, complete with shiruken stars sticking out of my face, so I guess I should nevermind that thought.
10) I need to finally accept the fact that Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster were hoaxes and stop having violent fantasies about dismembering the dumbasses who were behind those hoaxes and admitted to them. You bastards ruined a geek's childhood dream! Other kids can choose to keep or not keep their fucking stupid Santa Claus, but how dare you take away my Sasquach and Nessie??? Oh the injustice of it all!

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