Neurosis and Sociopathy

I recently hung out with a female friend who happens to be a Cancer (as in zodiac sign). I quickly found myself drinking more booze so that I could get good and toasted and thus render her neurotic yapping less irritating. She really makes a fool of herself simply by opening her mouth, feeling the need to share each and every neurotic, paranoid thought that comes into her head. She doesn't realize that this only paints her as a basketcase. I've told her countless times not to do this type of stuff, sharing her neurotic insecurities. Doing that only produces two results: it scares off the stable people and attracts the unstable people. Does she listen? No! Half of the conversation she had was her whining about these "friends" of hers who she's having issues with, are mean to her, manipulate her, play mind games with her. If she would listen to me and stop sharing her intimate insecurities with others she wouldn't constantly find herself the target of sociopaths who get off fucking with her mentally. I admit that it's quite easy to fuck with this friend's head. A simple, suggestive comment can easily send her spinning like one of those toys that you pull the string and let 'em go. Sad but true!

 

And then there's this "gay" male friend who is also a Cancer and suffers from the same condition. I put gay in parentheses because he's no longer living that lifestyle, because it never worked out for him. The reason for this is because his neurotic clinginess scared off every decent guy he'd meet. I told him countless times that guys need space, you can't get all clingy on a guy you've just met or he'll bail. Unless he's an unstable basketcase, in which case he'll stick around and you'll soon regret ever having met him. I recall listening in utter horror as he would send men running away by doing things such as asking "so where do you see this thing going?" halfway through the first date. And like my female friend, every thing that I said to him went in through one ear and out the other. So i've pretty much given up.

 

Now i'm not saying that every single person who is a Cancer is like this because it's kinda ridiculous to pidgeonhole someone based on their zodiac sign, but on the other hand i've run into quite a number of Cancers who were like this. I think the only Cancer i've ever met that wasn't like this is my brother. He's always been a happy, fun-loving and confident guy, which is completely the opposite of the other Cancers i've met. I need to meet more Cancers like my brother so I could get rid of this silly notion that I have that all Cancers are hyper-sensitive neurotics. And before ya'll go getting offended by this keep in mind that I also place the microscope under my own zodiac sign, Capricorns. I think we have a tendency to be bitchy, judgemental, mean-spirited, sarcastic, unforgiving and stubborn as fuck. The fact that a high percentage of serial killers are Capricorns doesn't surprise me at all. Not that i'm admitting to having sociopathic tendencies, that's a thought that I don't bother entertaining anymore. Besides, all the human remains I used to store in my freezer I threw out years ago.

Annoyances and Loud Music!

rantSince i've gotten a tattoo on my right arm (technically on the deltoid area), i've noticed how many people have a tendency to touch, grab, smack and pull on that arm. This is fucking annoying me. What's really annoying is when you tell people "don't touch that arm, I just got a tat there" and 5 minutes later they're stupid asses do it again. Maybe if I punch their fucking teeth out they'd get it? A lot of people say "sorry, I didn't know", but many of them do know that I got a tattoo, and maybe i'm being a picky bitch, but you don't need to have a PhD to know that when you have ink sliced into your skin it's basically a wound and it's not going to heal overnight. So when you hit, scratch, grab and pull at that area it's going to hurt you stupid dumbasses! Hopefully no ink gets scratched off it otherwise i'm going to grab a knife and slice a chunk off your skin and see how you like it. I swear the next person who taps, grabs, smacks or pulls at my arm i'm going to fucking bury a hatchet in their goddamned faces!

In other news, last night I went to see Soundgarden. All 4 of the original members got back together for a reunion tour. Soundgarden were one of my favorites in the 90's so I was happy when they regrouped for this tour so I can see them because I never got a chance to see them in their heyday. They played a 2 hour set consisting of songs from all their albums. Chris Cornell (HOT!!!!) was sporting long hair and a beard, damn he looked good! I was hoping he'd remove his shirt but it didn't happen. But their live versions of Outshined, Rusty Cage, Fell On Black Days, Spoonman, The Day I Tried To Live, Searching With My Good Eye Closed, Jesus Christ Pose and the awesome finale of Slaves & Bulldozers were simply awesome! Today i'm tired and my legs hurt from standing so long, but that's what beds and pain pills are for.

Fresh Ink

This last Friday I got my 6th tattoo, a skull and crossbones/heart design. I got the design from the Italian company called Tokidoki, that makes Japanese style toys, clothes and make-up. I've been buying their stuff for quite a while now, and have always been drawn to their crossbones and heart design.

When I saw a skull version of this design (with 2 facing silouhette skulls in the heart) I immediately fell in love with it and knew that it was a tattoo that I wanted. So this week I made an appointment at the tattoo shop I frequent, and the next day I went in and got it inked.

I like this design for a variety of reason, it's representative of several things in my life. That got me to thinking about what I would tell people when they ask, because you know that there's always people who have to ask why you got that tattoo, what it means, etc. I admit that this is something that's always kind of annoyed me. People always ask me about my forearm tattoo (a star-arrow design that's the symbol of the Science Patrol for the Ultraman show). Usually i'll tell them and they'll react with a blank "oh", because most people don't know who Ultraman is anyway. I just feel that it's an intrusive, slightly dumb question. I don't go around asking people why they wear the clothes they wear, why they wear the shoes they wear, why they wear their hair like that, why they're wearing that color make-up, why they're driving that car, why they're married to that douchebag.... Maybe it's a silly pet peeve or hang-up of mine, but I always find myself a bit put off when people ask me. Perhaps if I felt that they were sincerely trying to get to know something about me, but I find that most of the time it's just to satisfy they're morbid curiousity. I've considered making up a long, intricate, explicit story just to make fools of them. Or I could just say "it's kind of personal" and leave it at that. I think in the end it all ties in to the fact that I tend to have strong boundaries and don't feel the need to share every intimate detail of my life with a perfect stranger. So before I go rambling on and on i'll just end this blog by saying I really love my new tattoo.

Things that I learned while on vacation in NYC

This last weekend I had a fantastic time in NYC visiting some friends. It couldn't have been better and turned out much better than what I had hoped for. I hadn't been back to NYC in about 6 or 7 years, so I took advantage of the opportunity when a friend invited me up there to visit her this summer. But anyways, here's a few things I learned while I was up there the last few days.

 

My friends truly do rock! - Yes I already know this, but it's nice to get repeated reminders of how awesome your friends are. From the friends who hosted me in NYC to seeing my other friend whom I hadn't seen in about 2 years, and my other friends who texted me and sent me e-mails, telling me how happy they were that I was having fun, the entire trip was an awesome reminder that I am truly blessed with some awesome, incredible people in my life!

 

My luggage choice rocked! - When I arrived at SFO to catch my flight to NYC a cute stewardess passed me by and complimented me on my luggage. It was a small, standard luggage except for the fact that the color/pattern was checkerboard rainbow colored. Here's a pic.

 

 

I wanted to get something that wasn't the standard black so that it would stand out amid the sea of black luggages. Looks like I did well judging by the many stares and smiles I got from people. They were either pleased with my choice or were laughing at how obvious it was that i'm a damn homo!

 

Sometimes love really does stink! - So Saturday night I stayed up until the sun came out with my gal pal whom I hadn't seen in 2 years. We got drunk at one gay bar (The Monster) where a piano player was belting out showtunes while a small crowd (myself included) sang along. We also hung out at The Stonewall Inn, where they were having a skintight contest upstairs that composed of dudes wearing very tight latex superhero outfits for a prize. Anyways, my cute friend immediately got the attention of some cute young dude, whom i'll call Gigan. When she introduced him to me he then introduced me to his friend, i'll call him Chameleking. Long story short, Gigan had the hots for my gal pal, who really wasn't interested in him, at least not in a romantic way. Gigan was trying to set me up with Chameleking, who it soon became obvious that he had the hots for Gigan. Gigan claimed to be straight and into girls, but at one point when I asked him what he liked he just kinda shrugged his shoulders. Then at one point Gigan went into the bathroom and Chameleking followed him. After a few minutes Gigan came out and he seemed to be kinda pushing Chameleking away, as if to say no. I assume that Chameleking tried to get romantic. At one point I was dancing and talking with Chameleking but I caught him looking at Gigan with these sad puppy dog eyes that made it obvious he was suffering from a serious "straight" boy crush. This made me feel sad for Chameleking as it was a reminder that, like the old 80's song so eloquently puts it, love stinks! Oh, and my gal pal was not really interested in Gigan because she was more into a cute Incan waiter that she saw at the other bar, who turned out to have a girlfriend.

 

New York has a LOT of hot men! - Not that this was a surprise. I would assume that in any big city there would be an abundance of very sexy, hot men. I guess I found myself overwhelmed by the amount of them, left and right, everywhere you looked. I found it very distracting to try and focus on the attractions that didn't involve a half dressed male hottie in summer attire.

 

Live theatre really is great! - It had been years since i've seen a live show, so I was very happy when my friend surprised me with tickets to see The Addams Family Musical, which starred Brooke Shields as Morticia and Roger Reese (of Cheers fame) as Gomez. The majority of the actors were fantastic, the young actress who played Wednesday had a fantastic voice, and the live sets were really impressive. I had a great time at the show and it was a nice reminder that I need to see more live theatre, it really is great!

 

Fear of flying? Just pop them pills! - There's a part of me that gets anxious when being on a plane. I blame my parents. They are paranoid worry-warts who raised me and my siblings to be afraid of everything. In fact I deliberately did NOT tell my mother I was flying to New York as she would just get paranoid and worry herself into hysteria with fear that her "baby" would perish in a horrible plane crash. I decided to counter this ridiculous anxiety of mine by popping as many sleeping pills/sedatives as I could. It kinda worked too. I didn't really sleep on my overnight flight, but I was so bombed that I found myself not really caring about anything while on the plane either. Thank God for Benadryl, Tylenol PM and Advil PM!

 

The city that never sleeps truly doesn't sleep - I was reminded things really don't close in NYC as I found my drunken ass riding the subway at 4am in the morning, back to Manhattan to crash at my friend's pad. There were so many people on the A train you would've thought it was the middle of the day and not the crack of dawn. I found myself amused as I stared at the passengers, including one very cute gay couple who were totally into each other.

 

It's actually not that difficult to find parking in NYC - My friends drove me around a lot, and I was shocked at how easily they found parking. I truly was expecting it to be the opposite, as I assumed that since parking is an elusive pain in the neck in San Francisco that it would be worse in NYC. Yet my friends easily found parking all parts of the city. My friend did warn me that it was important to pay attention to street signs so as to avoid being towed away.

 

It's not just my imagination or a local thing: I tend to attract coupled dudes - When standing outside the line to see Addams Family The Musical I noticed 2 groups of coupled bears that were next to me kept staring at me. I was wearing a tank top which allowed one to see my bear paw tattoo on my chest so at first I assumed that maybe they were just noticing that. Yet one couple in particular continued to stare at me, and each time I would nonchalantly glance in their direction I would catch them staring at me. Then the next night at the Monster bar there was another group of bears, and one of them who was clearly there with his man kept staring at me. Again I tried to brush it off and assume that maybe he was just noticing what I was wearing or something, but once again I continued to catch him staring at me. I just found it amusing that I tend to get noticed a lot by couples or 1 half of a couple, at least a lot more than I get noticed by apparantly single dudes.

 

 

I'm a city boy at heart - Some people eventually return to their hometowns as they get older or long for the peace and quiet of their hometowns. Fuck that! I grew up in a very small town in the Central Valley, basically in the middle of nowhere California, and the older I get the less longing I have to ever return to live in a small town. I absolutely love big cities, New York and San Francisco being my 2 absolute favorite cities i've ever visited. I was surprised to find myself saying yes when a few friends asked me if I could see myself living in NYC. I've always told myself that the extreme temperatures would keep me from ever living there, but as I get older I actually thing I could handle it. Of course the reality of actually having to venture out in sub zero temperatures in winter might quickly change my mind, but I find myself more open to the idea that I have been in the past. Not that I plan on moving out there, but it's now in the field of why not instead of no way.