Monday, April 18, 2011

An Observation On Sex And Friendship

A few weeks ago a Facebook friend updated his status, asking his friends to discuss sexual objectification in the gay community. It got me to thinking about how this has affected my life as a gay man. I don't have a lot of gay male friends, and the reason for this seems to be due to sex. It seems that if a guy is trying to get to know me then 9 times out of 10 it's only because he wants to sleep with me. And then, if a guy isn't interested in sleeping with me then he won't bother getting to know me. It's as though many times gay men only see each other as potential sex partners or boyfriends. Now I realize that men tend to be more sexual and i'm definitely not a prude when it comes to sex, but it would be nice to be able to have a friend whose penis hasn't been inside one of my orifices at one point in our friendship. Or to just be able to hang out with a dude knowing that he has no desire to get into my undies or for his main objective in going out with me one night isn't to end the night in my bed, naked and sweaty on top of me. Am I wrong for wanting to be seen as a cool, fun guy instead of just a vessel for you to stick your penis into? And I know that i'm a cool, fun guy because I have plenty of female and straight guy friends who seem to enjoy my company without us ever having gotten sexual. Why is it that most gay men have such a hard time with platonic friendships?
I admit that i've been guilty of it myself. But I think in my case i've adopted a "if you can't beat 'em, join em" mentality. I've gotten together with guys who I knew only wanted to sleep with me, figuring that I might as well get something out of it. Though it would be nice if guys could be more direct about it. If you want to sleep with me just say so. Don't give me this crap about wanting to go have a few drinks or "let's watch some dvd's at my place" when you really just want to get me out of my clothes and plow me. I've had guys who were upfront about wanting to have sex with me, and due to their honesty most of those guys got what they wanted. Told you I wasn't a prude! But I digress.....
Maybe I need to just change my way of thinking and accept that a sexual connection is still a valid connection. But there's still a small part of me that feels that perhaps we're missing out on opportunities to really get to know someone by choosing to think with our little heads instead of our big heads. I think about the platonic friendships I have and how rewarding and fullfilling they've been, and how they've lasted for years and many will probably last until the day I die. Then I think about the guys i've slept with and how most of those connections never really lasted or progressed any further than meeting up every so often for a mutual blowjob. Friendship and sex have never seemed to go hand in hand for me, so perhaps I need to accept that and keep them seperate. A friend is a friend, a trick is a trick, and like oil and water they shouldn't mix. So with that said, I have plans this upcoming weekend to do fun stuff with friends. Platonic friends. So with my friendship calendar full, who wants a no strings attached blowjob? Hahaha!


  1. It's up to you to decide what relationships you want to have with other people. It takes two people to have a relationship.

    I have a whole circle of (gay male) friends that are strictly platonic. I've also had friends with benefits and fuck buddies...seems to me you need to adjust your approach or look for friends in more platonic settings. It's totally possible though...not "all gay men are looking for sex." Isn't that just a stereotype?

  2. I do understand what you are saying here. I've often felt the same way. But, at the same time, I want to be able to have a plutonic relationship without being accused of "friend incest" LOL.

    I dont have a big group of gay friends, mostly because i find there is a lot of drama. But i do have a circle of friends who are purley plutonic and i would not change them for the world.

    I enjoyed the post though. its an honest view of how you see it. Nothing wrong with that. But it would be a nice idea to open your mind to a few more. I think you would be pleasantly surprised :)

  3. I also have a good amount of platonic friends, though mostly women and straight men. I think I gravitate more towards those 2 because I know there won't be any ulterior motives that come with their friendship.